kineticoconut:

turing-tested:

not to sound like a commie or anything but I hate how it costs money to be alive

True true

mrlaheysshitabyss:

“Fuck this court, fuck Jim Lahey, fuck Randy, fuck those two idiot cops right there, fuck suit dummies - as a matter of fact, fuck legal aid - fuck Danny and Terry’s Buffalo Chicken Wings, fuck all the old wood in here, fuck the moon, fuck corn on the cob, fuck squirrels, fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything!”

-Ricky

trauma-demon:

Somebody: what do your tattoos mean?

Me pointing to my skull: this boi reminds me if the spooky scary skeleton song

Pointing to beetle: this beetle reminds me if I need to escape reality I can catch bugs in animal crossing

Points to coffin: this reminds me that some day the suffering will all be over and the sweet embrace of death will save me

Points to demon: this symbolises my want to be non human and aesthetically pleases me

speciesofleastconcern:

creepsandcrawlers:

susiethemoderator:

pastapooper:

List of ancient beings on earth right now

Tommy Wiseau

Eric Andre

Keanu Reeves

This is Jeff Goldum erasure

Eric and Jeff are both like… Young immortals, a couple hundred years old

Keanu is a healthy fully formed immortal, a good 2-3 thousand years old

Tommy wiseau predates modern man, and has gone mad with eternity

tae-kun:

The Porn Bots have officially overran Tumblr

superchill-all-thetime:

butterfly-bandaid:

88thparallel:

minero-tan:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

whiskey-and-a-wry-smile:

razorlightt:

jennitheodd:

gh0stcity:

gh0stcity:

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

This is funny but also true, and a huge tip when traveling. Act like you belong, and you won’t be bothered like other tourists might. Especially on public transportation… do your research ahead of time and look like a disinterested commuter and you’ll blend right in.

Fun Fact about Bees: they use pheromones to communicate and the pheromone to signal ALARM is the same chemical that makes bananas smell like bananas so if you eat a banana and then breathe on a beehive you will regret it and this seemed relevant when i started writing it

Follow up: what happens if I drop a banana into a beehive?